MILESTONE BIRTHDAY'S

Here I sit. In Thailand. On a beautiful island. With my 11 year old son who inspires me everyday. We’ve been travelling for 4 months and plan to travel another 5 months before wrapping up our adventure. So why am I down and cocooning myself?

Because here I sit, only 2 days away from my 50th birthday - yup…50!! I am a product of the 1970’s and 80’s - Disco through to funk, punk, heavy metal and Madonna reminding us of virginity and asking Papa not to preach. From bell-bottoms, long hair on both men and women, leisure suits and the end of flowers in our hair, through to big hair and big cell phones, blue eye shadow and concert t-shirts and the end of coming home when the street lights came on…yup, that was my generation. It was a good upbringing overall.

My generation was the first to grow up with cell phones (ok so some of our parents had those LARGE cell phones with separate battery packs), and home computers - remember the PET computer in our classrooms? We were the first generation to have colour TV’s in all of our living rooms and most of us can remember the introduction of microwaves into our mother’s kitchens…

But my life was shaped by something else too - tragedy on or near my birthday every year…the most profound tragedy happened on what was to be my true coming of age birthday- what was to be my sweet 16 - January 28, 1986 - Does anyone recall this date? One word: Challenger. Remember that by now, the majority of the homes in the developed world had colour TV’s and (I quote) the explosion of the Space Shuttle Challenger…”became one of the most iconic live breaking news events in television history.” Later that same year, Chernobyl.

Several years later my dog died on the morning of my 18th birthday. In my mid 20’s, I had a miscarriage and spent my birthday in hospital in surgery. I told my husband I was leaving him 2 days before my birthday. There are many other examples but this is getting downright depressing.

By January 1, 2000, the whole world was basically supposed to end due to Y2K so I never really believed I’d have a 30th birthday…And when there was no “end of the world” on January 1, 2000, I was actually disappointed because I’d have to acknowledge the big 3Oth - by this time, I’d sworn off even acknowledging the end of January.

No parties, no celebrations, very little in the way of acknowledging that yet another year had passed…this too depressed me but it was better than once again having hopes dashed due to a tragedy (personal or world wide)

So here I am, turning 50 in 2 days - no balloons, no ribbons, no party or acknowledgement planned. And the world once again sits on a precipice of tragedy - an outbreak of a mystery virus that spreads at lightening speed…

So what’s a now middle aged woman supposed to do? How about lay it all out on the internet - let everyone know that it’s OK to not want to celebrate your birthday…it’s OK to want to cocoon each year as we age, it’s OK to celebrate in your own way and there is no need for over-the-top, often insincere interactions at parties in your honour.

On January 28, 2020, I choose to celebrate entering my Crone years…I choose to celebrate the tragedy in my life around the end of January each year - I choose to celebrate that which has made me who I am today - a single mom who travels with her son, on adventures that were unimaginable only a few short years ago, a mom who takes chances so that she can LIVE rather than existing…

This year I will celebrate who I am as I turn 50 - MY WAY - not in the way that society deemed acceptable - this year, I will acknowledge this milestone, with a new blog, a new web-page, a new career, a quiet dinner with my son by the ocean and this year, I will go to bed, at the age of 50, knowing that everything that happened in my life brought me here!